September 1st, 2016

Who am I?

I am a human. That much I know, with a brain, two eyes, and a face. But who am I as a person? What is it that my brain thinks, that my eyes perceive, that others interpret from my face? What makes me, me? I am lost on an island in a sea of uncertainty.

 

October 10th , 2016

I walked home alone again. The world seemed to be tinged grey. I could hear faint bird calls in the distance, and I spotted a blue bird as it took off from a tree branch in a flurry and flew around wildly before settling back down, like it was trying to find the others. The flower petals were hidden in their buds like they were afraid to bloom.

A girl ran past me, her smile so wide as if it would brighten up everything around her. I see her often, buzzing through the school hallways. She had an air about her that forced me to pay attention. Once I glanced up to see her calling me over, but I quickly shook my head, like a caterpillar stuck in its cocoon.

 

February 9th, 2017

The girl spoke to me today.

I was reading again, quietly waiting for the time to pass until I could go home. The girl came up to me, a bounce in her step as she strode over. Her voice was strong and unapologetic, I had never heard anything like it before. Her eyes were a bright piercing blue, not like serene water but rather carrying the excitement of powerful waves that crash against island shores. She was wearing a bright red shirt, wild like the fire of her personality. As we chatted, I felt any anxiety slip away. All my past experiences want me to forget it, all my instincts shout never to do it again. But some small part of me is glad it happened.

 

February 14th, 2017

Today, I talked to the girl.

I nervously shuffled over and greeted her, and she sauntered up to me. I walked back to my desk, which was at the back of the classroom in the corner, but when I glanced back she wasn’t following me. Instead she gestured to two desks that were in the middle of the room, close to the front. I sat down hesitantly. I felt exposed, but when I looked at the girl, still wearing her beautiful smile, I slowly smiled back. Today is the first day I walked home with a friend.

 

February 28th, 2017

The girl and I do everything together. When we are together the whole world seems to take on a new light. The sun shines warm and bright through the sea of sky blues. We shout our happiness for everyone to see.

She is easy to talk to, and hours pass by in minutes. She shows me everything she loves to do and encourages me to be interested in it to. I have never laughed as hard or as sincerely as I have with her. I am a rainbow vibrant with potential. Together, we are love now and eternal.

 

May 7th, 2017

I don’t understand what went wrong. We used to be free and careless. Now we clash at every moment, hurtful words exchanged, horrible looks thrown. Each insult is like a stab in the heart, another crack in the mosaic of our relationship as what was once beauty is reduce to broken pieces. Our love and happiness has been wrenched from our hands and scattered.

She is a rose, with a sweet scent but a painful thorn. What happened to her beautiful face, when had our loud laughs turned so brittle? I ran home, tears streaming down my face as the rain poured down, unrelenting as it stung against my skin. I am immersed in my pain, honest with burning emotion.

 

May 10th, 2017

Who am I? I haven’t seen the girl. Without her I don’t think I know. I don’t know if I ever will be able to find myself.

 

October 2nd, 2017

The leaves on the dying trees fall to the ground, crunching under my feet, but all I see are the beautiful sea of reds, oranges, and yellow. I overlook the cold chilling air and instead feel the crisp refreshing breeze tousle my hair.

I know who I am now. I am just me, simple yet unique. I can be whatever I want, I have the power over my creation. I was not lost, I was only wandering. Even after pain, I have happiness, after loneliness, I have friends, after emptiness, I have ambition. Even without her, I know who I am. I feel like spring, fresh and renewed.